sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
