Fuck appropriateness.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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