in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
