i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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