I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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