Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
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