Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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