Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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