I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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