Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
