I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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