So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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