Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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