i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
