I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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