i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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