The maid of honor just puked.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
