Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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