oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Couch. On fire.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
