i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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