New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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