biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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