i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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