good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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