when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
