On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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