I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
