I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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