Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
