if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
