Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
