I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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