yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
