She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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