Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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