Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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