ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
