Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
