there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
