Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
