just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
