apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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