I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
