don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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