does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
