This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
