somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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