woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
