On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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