There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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