Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
