there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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