my phone cant type all the emotion im having
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
