Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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