nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
