you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
